Something that’s annoying the crap out of me is the imagery, feeling and story of the Lord of the Rings movie (which I have seen about 5 times) messing with my memories of the books (which I have read 2 times, once with like 13 years and once with about 19). It melts into them, overwriting and erasing and most of all confusing things. It feels like the vivid pictures the book has produced are trickling out of my head like water through hands. Gah!
I very much like both, but I wish my mind would manage to regard and feel them separately.
Strawberries. You should either go and find a juicy ripe one in real life and cut it in half or google for a photo of it. Go, do it.
Don’t they look naughty? God they look naughty.
That’s it for today! The one or other photo or thought from the past days will follow when I get home to my desktop PC tomorrow.
Later addition: Here goes a bad picture of a strawberry from the day I thought and wrote this. ‘t was when I was visiting my granny, having cooked for her and eating strawberries for dessert, which made the realization all the juicier!
The relationship we had lasted from the night of July 1st 2011 until May 7th 2012.
It now feels like a slightly surreal dream I must sometimes have stumbled into next to ordinary life and have now woken up from.
I remember a dazzling summer full of exhausting curiosity and heat where it all started, a warm, magical autumn bursting with colours and full of increasingly familiar bliss, and then an unusual winter, one that went by without any snow staying for longer than one day. A mild winter.
Date-wise, you could say that we have already arrived at spring now, but after a small number of very summery days some weeks ago, it has become cold and unpleasant again. During those last weeks, being together was something that seemed as a matter of course on the one hand and like a forced thing on the other hand; all the while in the waiting-line for a better tomorrow where we would finally be living in the same city again. But it never came.
The weather-wise summery spring that must now be about to come feels like waking back up to the same summer in which I must have slipped off into this long long dream at some point.
While the relationship lasted, the life I had had before, in turn, seemed like a dream. Having been without him did. Like something that was a necessary start, and a past that is rightfully a part of me and has formed me, but now no longer needed, and very far away. As if it was stuffed away in a box in the same room. It was there, and it was accessible, but no one needed to take it out and make it real except for when I told its tale to share my story and intertwine it with his through our memories.
The relationship – to me – seems like a slightly surreal dream now. And neither the relationship nor a dream ever seems surreal until you actually wake up.
[Anathema – Temporary Peace]
This fits a feeling from inside the dream. The peace and secure of falling asleep and drifting away into dreams together.
Beyond this beautiful horizon
Lies a dream for you and I
This tranquil scene is still unbroken by the rumors in the sky
But there’s a storm closing in
Voices crying on the wind
This serenade is growing colder, breaks my soul that tries to sing
There’s so many, many thoughts
When I try to go to sleep
But with you, I start to feel a sort of temporary peace
As I drift in and out
There were times you really made me smile and
There were times you really made me cry and
There were times I never really knew how to feel
Electricity, it drew you near to me
What you needed was to be rid of me
And the fear has made you so unsure of me
What you needed was to be rid of me
I still had a post with this drafted from September 4th 2011, and I reckon now is a good time to post it. It depicts one of the many feelings I have about the relationship we had very well – the feeling of finally having found C., someone very similar to me, and picking him up tenderly like the most valuable little gigantic thing there is on earth. And him being somewhat unsure, maybe a tiny bit scared, but nonetheless tame and curious and warm.