Crille’s death // Sleepwalking

August 2013
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Sleepwalking

“I fell asleep in the chair by the fireplace
And I woke up in the kitchen sink
With an umbrella full of holes overtop my head and
I fell asleep on the table with your picture in hand
And I woke up in the cupboard
With some scrapes on my arms and a mouthful of hell

Chains are rattling in the attic again
And the birds are building nests in the windowsill
Dust has settled over everything
And the ceiling fan still cuts a lazy circle

I got a picture on the mantle piece
Of the way that I thought that we’d end up
But this shares no resemblance to that
Yeah, this shares no resemblance to that at all

I tore the dreams from my head and tossed them in the flames
And the smoke smelled like my past
And it stung my eyes, but I was too stubborn to blink and
I slept inside the piano ’till the rain was gone
And I woke up when I saw the sun
And wiped the sleep from my eyes
Yeah, I knew my time had come

We’re all still a part of everything that we were
And we’ll all float along with everything
And in turn, we’ll all fall apart with everything
But we’ll learn just what things are like outside our heads

And I hear them singing
And I hear my name
And I feel you scrub my skin
And I was happy to fade”

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Strange. When I saw the photo in full size in the folder with photos from the day of the funeral, shortly afterwards, it seemed to me to perfectly depict my predominant feelings. Now it feels just strange to have a self-shot in the middle of these lyrics. But that’s my face, and that’s my emotion, and the song that I connect most with it all. So there goes.

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