“because my mood swings make me feel ashamed”

But on any given day, my mood hangs in a fragile balance –

give me too long out in the world during the day, and I grow tired and weary of everything that happens around me, irritable and unable to react appropriately to all the stimuli, wanting desperately to hide in a pile of leaves and hole up like the hedgehog until spring wakes me –

but give me too long at home alone, and I grow anxious, disconcerted by the prospect of going back out into the world and having to function, I grow sleepy and nested up inside myself, longing for a summer day to go out and bask in sunlight without having second thoughts –

Whenever I make the switch, good things usually happen and I can blossom again.

But it is always a fragile balance, the harmony between the social and the private, the outer and the inner, between challenge and relaxation, stimulus and stagnancy, movement and rest, the play and the calm.
But what can I do? And there are always storms.

the strangest things
and the strangest things have been happening to me, oh

 

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