to find home
in my state
on an old graveyard, I found you again
after we lost you in January
the sun on my face, the gravestones shining
names and numbers, years, lived, and ended
love and loss, permeating the air, shimmering
and you in the midst of it all
with me, wherever I go
the oldest source of my life
Eleanoora Rosenholm – Tai-Panin paholainen
Dear beloved little granny,
yesterday, like every Tuesday during our visit, when we said we had to leave, you asked me in a small voice if I could not always stay with you and help you.
It breaks my heart, the way you make odd mistakes in your choice of words and grammar, because the language part of your brain that has been working tirelessly for 90 years cannot keep up with the overwhelming strength of your wish to express what you feel. It breaks my heart, the consistency with which you ask if I can stay, although you forget everything else that happens within minutes or even seconds;
but your helplessness has caught up with you anyway.
What a cruel thing, to know, even if subconsciously, that you do not know a lot anymore. To remember that a lot of what you do is forget. To not understand why, but to feel you need help.
I wish I could do more for you, hold onto you and your memories and your deeply kind personality, but in a way, I am as helpless as you are.
Yours forever, Judith
Time runs fast, and seasons fly
Eternity exists nowhere but in moments –
To the soundtrack of Yö – Joutsenlaulu, in a way a Finnish national song, breathing a graceful down-to-earth melancholia.
you were fantastic to behold, and I am so happy that, crappy though it may be, my zoom camera managed to catch a handful of good images of your silvery-red beauty across one and a half cold cold hours of trying to push the release without blurring the images too much.
the moongazer with the sore arms